When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car
- Unknown.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, Six should be enough.
- Les Dawson.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. Steven Wright
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Steven Wright
I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- Anonymous.
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. Tim Allen
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin
