A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Jay Leno
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
Jay Leno
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Jay Leno
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
